Helping an Addicted/Alcoholic Parent
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Last Updated:
August 20th, 2026
Watching a parent struggle with problem drinking or abusing drugs can be incredibly hard on children of every age. The usual roles can become reversed, with the child becoming the one who takes care of their parents. In England alone, around 478,000 children were living with a parent with a problem with alcohol or drug use in 2019 to 2020. Helping an alcoholic parent, or one using drugs, can put enormous pressure on children, so it is important they get as much guidance and support as possible.
When the parent-child roles are reversed
One of the hardest parts about having parents with a drug addiction or alcohol addiction is how the family rearranges itself around substance use. Addiction can reduce a parent’s capacity to do the things parents normally do, and someone has to fill the gap. Often, that someone is the child. If you’re in this position, you may have to handle the money, cover for their behaviour, manage their moods, or look after younger siblings. This is all while still being a child who shouldn’t have to worry about these things.
This rearrangement can develop so gradually that you barely notice it settling in. There may not be a single day when you decide to take charge. You simply keep stepping in until it feels normal. In other cases, this may have been how things always were. It’s only when you see other families that you realise yours is different.
The pressure of dealing with parental alcoholism and drug addiction
The impact of substance misuse on a family can make day-to-day life a traumatic and confusing mix of fears and feelings. You may feel responsible for your parents, as though their drinking is a problem you should be able to fix. You may feel guilty, worrying that you’re not doing enough to help or even that you somehow caused this. A lot of children feel angry at broken promises or frustrated that their parents can’t stop or be more like other mums and dads. This then causes more guilt for having those thoughts.
Drinking and drug use can bring anger and even violence with them. The Children’s Commissioner for England estimates around 100,000 children are growing up in a home where addiction, domestic abuse and mental illness are all present.
If your parent becomes frightening or aggressive when they drink or use, your safety should come first. You can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline for free at any time of day or night on 0808 2000 247, and if you’re eighteen or younger, Childline is there for you on 0800 1111.
Why it helps to see addiction as an illness
When someone you love keeps drinking or using drugs despite the harm it does, it is natural to think it’s because they’re choosing to or are too weak to stop. But alcohol and drug addiction are recognised health conditions. They have clinical guidelines from bodies like NICE and are understood as long-term illnesses that often involve relapses.
Seeing it this way is not about making excuses for your parents, but it can change what you expect. On the other hand, don’t think that because addiction is an illness, it’s your responsibility to try to cure it. Many people do recover, and recovery is always possible, but the decision and the work belong to the person themselves.
When support becomes codependency
When your own well-being becomes tied to managing someone else’s drinking or drug use, it is sometimes codependency. This describes what happens when you organise your life so completely around another person’s addiction that your own needs disappear. You cancel plans, screen their calls, clear up the fallout, and measure your own days by how theirs are going.
This usually grows from love and good intentions, which is what makes it so hard to see. The trouble is that the more you absorb the consequences of someone’s substance use, the easier you make it for them to continue. Recognising this is often the first step towards changing enabling and codependent behaviours.
Setting boundaries that protect you
When dealing with parental alcoholism or drug dependence, it’s very important to set boundaries. Addiction affects you as much as your parent, and a boundary is how you protect yourself.
This may be deciding that you won’t give your parents money, will leave if they start drinking, or will stop covering for them with other people. Children who feel safe and adult children can tell their parents exactly what they will and won’t do. This can be gentle but firm, and then it’s really important you stick to it. Setting boundaries can feel unkind at first, but it protects you and facing the consequences is what can push your parents to get help.
Encouraging treatment without taking it on
You can open the door to help, even though you can’t walk through it for them. You can show them this page, let them know that support exists, that you think they should get it, and that you still love them.
While it can be hard to accept, it’s common for people to take a long time before reaching out. An estimated 80% of alcohol-dependent parents in England are not in treatment. You can’t force your parents to get help, but when they’re ready, it’s helpful to already have a number to call, or an organisation like Providence Projects to talk to. Until then, the best thing you can do is keep the door open and look after yourself.
Where to find addicted parent support
You don’t have to work any of this out alone, and there is help available specifically for people in your position.
Al-Anon Family Groups run meetings across the UK for anyone affected by another person’s drinking. They have a confidential helpline at 0800 0086 811 and special Alateen meetings for younger relatives aged twelve to seventeen. These meetings can bring you together with others who understand the situation from the inside.
For the children of drinkers in particular, Nacoa offers information, support and a helpline at 0800 358 3456.
All of these resources can advise you on the best steps to take and support you before, during, and after your parent receiving treatment for addiction.
How to look after yourself
It is easy to treat your own needs as the last item on a long list, but looking after your own wellbeing is so important. Supporting a parent with addiction is hard, and self-care can help give you the strength needed.
That can be as simple as getting enough sleep, keeping up the friendships and routines that are yours alone, or speaking to your GP if the strain is wearing you down.
If you’d like to talk it through, Providence Projects is here for families as well as for the people using substances. We can help you understand what you’re facing and point you towards the right family addiction support.
Our alcohol rehab and drug rehab programmes include family therapy and conjoints to help loved ones during the recovery process. This addiction help for families can make a real difference and help repair damaged relationships. Contact us today, and we can talk through your situation and the help available.
Reach out to our expert support team 24 hours a day
Looking for rehab?
If you are looking for rehab to take your, or a loved ones, life back from addiction, look no further than Providence Projects. Reach out to us today to find out how we can help you or a loved one achieve long-term recovery.
(Click here to see works cited)
- “Alcohol Support.” NHS, www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-advice/alcohol-support/.
- “Alcohol-Use Disorders: Diagnosis, Assessment and Management of Harmful Drinking (High-Risk Drinking) and Alcohol Dependence.” National Institute for Health and Care Excellence, 23 Feb. 2011, www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg115.
- Chowdry, Haroon. Estimating the Prevalence of the ‘Toxic Trio’: Evidence from the Adult Psychiatric Morbidity Survey. Vulnerability Technical Report 2, Children’s Commissioner for England, July 2018, assets.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/wpuploads/2018/07/Vulnerability-Technical-Report-2-Estimating-the-prevalence-of-the-toxic-trio.pdf.
- Cunningham, John A., and Jim McCambridge. “Is Alcohol Dependence Best Viewed as a Chronic Relapsing Disorder?” Addiction, vol. 107, no. 1, 2012, pp. 6–12. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1360-0443.2011.03583.x.
- Parents with Alcohol and Drug Problems: Adult Treatment and Children and Family Services. Public Health England, 10 May 2021, www.gov.uk/government/publications/parents-with-alcohol-and-drug-problems-support-resources/parents-with-alcohol-and-drug-problems-guidance-for-adult-treatment-and-children-and-family-services.